The Legoland Times

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21 April 2008

Government Negotiating With Al-Kyeda Operatives

The government have reportedly opened negotiations with Al-Kyeda just days after General Secretary Obnoxious Consensus said they would "never talk to terrorists". No word on the fate of the two LRG soldiers being held hostage by the group has been received since last week and worried relative minifigs are hopeful that no harm has been done. Mr Curious Conscriptus, father of Hideous Conscriptus, said "my son joined the army to make some money. He has no opinions on religion. He is a harmless fig". Al-Kyeda had threatened to behead Hideous Conscriptus and his colleague, Onus Scriptus, after a Saturday deadline for the removal for the state's ban on God expired but the willingness of the government to talk to the group may have saved the figs' lives for now at least.

It is understood that an intermediatary is being used to facilitate contact between the seat of power in Legoland City and Al-Kyeda. The potential bargaining chip for securing the freedom of the two soldiers is suspected to be the release of a number of prisoners of a Castleland ethnic background currently being held in Legoland's prisons. Al-Kyeda's main support base is believed to come from minifigs in Castleland as, according to Consensus, "Castle folk like religion and stuff 'cause they are living in the past". The government's back-footing is been seen as a weakness in some quarters with the Legoland Communist Party's leader Socialus Councilus strongly critical of the move. Mr Councilus criticised Consensus's decision to talk to Al-Kyeda warning that it opened "a pandora's box of dangers". "The LCP don't agree with God and don't agree with Al-Kyeda", he said, adding "minifigs of the world need to unite to fight for their right to party with the Legoland Communist Party".

Meanwhile, the Empire Police have banned public gatherings in Legoland City, and in particular Legoland Square, after rumours arose that angry minifigs were expected to come together in protest at the capture of the LRG soldiers and the state's bumbling and continuing mishandling of the crisis. According to NTL television, the STAMPA secret police are preparing to crackdown on any dissent in the Imperial Republic and will arrest any minifigs who express views against the state or the Emperor.Nonetheless, interviewed figs were forthcoming in expressing their opinions to The Legoland Times. Average citizen, Mr Enormous Virus, claimed, "Consensus's handling of the situation is the handling of a buffoon", whilst a questioned busy shopper, Mrs Gossipingum Apparatus, expressed her view that "figs are bored of this government. It's a time for change."