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11 May 2008
An unprecedented move by some of the nation's top businesses has seen 16 football clubs from the lower leagues snapped up in
a wave of frenzied money wasting. Among the most famous clubs sold include perennial underachievers and giants
Third Division UASL, FC Anti Ken Association and Cante FC.
Third Division UASL's sale topped the money wasting charts with the petroleum company Shell splashing out a massive £20m to secure the society. Shell, boosted by massive profits this year, were adamant that they had not "wasted a penny". CEO Internalus Combustionus Engineus told the media that "by next May, Third Division UASL will be playing in Serie A for the first time in their 'illustrious' history alongside Legoland FC and other great clubs". Third Division UASL, founded in 1994, never reached Legoland's top flight languishing for the most time in Serie B and Serie C but did have some success in foreign competitions in both ND Land and Eland. The club, sometimes referred in the Eland media to as Third Division Useless, will now be among the favourites for the 2008/2009 Serie B promotion push. Mr Engineus explained that Shell's ownership of the club will see millions pumped into the team "thanks to minifigs ever growing love for cars and the petrol they use".
Serie C sides were also targeted with four clubs snapped up ahead of the league's pemultimate weekend in a desperate bid to influence their club's promotion chances. Atlas Bell, Riverside Club UASL, FC Anti Ken Association and Cante were all sold and by Sunday evening all bar Cante were busy celebrating promotion to Serie B.
Five Serie D clubs were sold but there was less luck for their new owners on the promotion side with just two, Louisville Minifigs and Sporting Minifigs securing a place in next season's third division. Palcontina Minifigs, Castleland Giants and Pentrosse all missed out this time.
Serie E also saw five clubs purchased with three celebrating promotion by Sunday evening. Brick Kickers, Technic Brickholes and Lego Studs all went up however there was disappointment for Dynamo's new owners who, despite spending £6m on the team, saw their side relegated to the leagues bottom division. The other newly purchased club, Verdy, failed to secure promotion finishing 6th.
Former non league club Red Box was purchased and topped the new Serie F division to ensure they will be playing in Serie E next season. In an official statement, the club said that "by 2014 the club expect to be in Serie A".
Why are Third Division UASL so useless?
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